A Pretty Good Time Of The Year: Christmas Video Countdown
Your friends at the Academy count down 20 pretty decent Christmas songs for your next egg-nog party.
There’s a lot of good Christmas music out there. There’s that Kurtis Blow song. And the James Brown album. And for that matter, the Eazy-E, Snoop, Jim Jones, Bootsy Collins, Bob Marley, Treacherous 3, William Hung, Salsoul, Wesley Willis, Slayer and Run-DMC jams. However, this holiday season, we pick 20 decent moments in Christmas music that we fear might have gone overlooked by the casual holiday observer. Also, if you don't already have one, this playlist might come in handy during your next holiday craft-night or eggnog party.
1. Michael Jackson - A Christmas Message (YouTube, 2002)
Let's kick things off with a message of hope, inspiration, and unity to get into the holiday spirit courtesy of the King of Pop. And let's also pray for German children, the least happy people group in the world according to Jackson in the first minute or so.
2. Emerald Street Boys - Christmas Rap (Telemusic, 1983)
The very first rap record to be released in the rainy, seafood loving capital of Washingon State - Seattle. This has it all. Jingle bells, a wicked early analog drum machine, r&b hooks, and live synths.
3. Michael Palmer - Happy Merry Christmas (Greensleeves, 1983)
Here we have the excellent Michael Palmer encouraging holiday drinking, smoking, shopping and not using guns. All in a vicious dub stylee.
4. 69 Boyz - What You Want For Christmas? (Quad City, 1996)
Here we have the "Tootsie Roll" kings getting utterly greedy for Christmas, asking Santa Claus for a 12 disc changer, 11 Philly blunts, 10 Kangols, nine Sega tapes, eight gold teeth, seven pair of Adidas, six Vicodin, five fresh gold chains, four unknowns, three packs of drawers, and two girlfriends.
5. Suicide - Hey Lord (Ze, 1982)
Alan Vega gets all introspective and thankful for his friends and whatnot over one of the creepier beats in the Suicide canon. He also sounds like he stole all the Vicodin from the 69 Boyz and took it before he started singing.
6. Sister Nobby - Christmas Bounce (mixtape, 2009)
Let's take some Donny Hathaway, add some 808 kicks, and Sister Nobby on the hooks. It's a bonafide happening now.
7. Bruce Haack - Oo Bah Humbug (Dimension 5, 1977)
Each year, you can always count on one of your relatives to come along at Christmas festivities and spoil the fun by reminding everyone of cancer and bill collectors. This year, it's Bruce.
8. West Coast Bad Boyz - Christmas In Da Ghetto (No Limit, 1994)
The story of hard times on Christmas day. Slightly depressing, probably exaggerated, but at least the chorus is upbeat.
9. Todd Osborn - Wonderful Xmas (unreleased)
Academy studio team member spends entire year in basement studio. Fights scurvy, rats, and severe malnourishment. Comes out with this.
10. James Pants - This Christmas Girl (Stones Throw, 2008)
The other Academy studio member struggles for an entire two-and-a-half minutes to get some Christmas cheer going. It was a valiant attempt.
11. Sütterlin - Weihnachten Fallt Aus (Kernkrach, 2004)
According to translation experts, this song means "Christmas Fall Off." Could be about a drunken man who took a tumble off the roof, or the fact that the entire holiday has lost it's edge. Again, just like Jacko said, the Germans are so unhappy.
12. Kolęda - Pokój na Ziemi Dzieciom (unknown)
There is this employee here at the Academy named Ben, who has such a sweet, tender heart - especially towards Polish children. This is his pick.
13. Lindstrøm - Little Drummer Boy (Rough Trade, 2009)
A mere five-minute snippet of Lindstrom's massive 40-minute(!) version of "Little Drummer Boy", especially made for the shepherds in the field as they lay.
14. The Free Design - Close Your Mouth (It's Christmas) (Project 3, 1968)
We've been listening to this song for a long time, and it still doesn't make a ton of sense. Something about closing your mouth, putting your hand back in the cookie jar, forgetting your dreams, and hanging out with the other people living in your house. That's the closest we've gotten.
15. Kamal Imani - Happy Kwanzaa Hip Hop Song (self-released)
For adults, children, and teenagers alike. Like Kamal says, "Keep the Kwanzaa swagger every day".
16. Eek-A-Mouse - Christmas A Come (Greensleeves, 1981)
No matter the genre, Greensleeves is kind of killing the competition in the Christmas music game. Eek-A-Mouse produced by Linval Thompson, Roots Radics on the backups, Scientist behind the boards. Mixed at Channel One. Jeez.
17. Wendy Vainity - A Christmas Eve Animation (self-released)
The queen of creepy CGI and bedroom keyboards drops her latest holiday music video. Wait until the 3:30 mark. Things start to get weird when the Geico lizard drops by.
18. X-Ray Pop - Fuzzy Christmas (MB5, 1989)
Coming with a delightful Kim Gordon meets Nico sound, the French noise-pop-wavers X-Ray Pop drop an ode to their favorite type of holiday - backed up by a track of Space Invaders synthesizers and guitars.
19. Vince Guaraldi - Christmas Time Is Here (Fantasy, 1965)
Even though this song is well-known, we included it in our countdown since this song should be included in every Christmas countdown ever. If you don't like this song, you have no soul and and are probably not even alive.
20. Tickle Finger Land (unknown)
This is a strange song about a magical land where lost gloves go. Upon arrival, the gloves separate into individual fingers, make toys, and then they climb into children's beds and tickle them on Christmas. One of the relics from the days of easy drugs, we reckon. [Ed. note - embedding is disabled, so here is the link.]
